Lent

It's maybe a little early yet, but Ash Wednesday is Wednesday and planning is good.

I know I need to take advantage of this season. I need to reevaluate and renew and refocus and re-energize. And receive. I declined to do music at any Holy Week / Easter Masses (at this point, anyway), so I can attend as a member of the congregation, rather than serving. Is that bad? I think it comes across a little selfishly to other people, but I don't think it's selfish in my heart. I don't have a lot to give right now. Sometimes we all need to receive. Oh, totally, because everyone needs the opportunity to give - within his or her gifts, talents, and strengths - and the only way that can happen is if everyone takes the opportunity to receive. If I am always giving and never receiving, then someone else (or lots of someone elses) around me is being limited / not given his or her opportunity. Sometimes I have to walk myself through this to remember that it is ok to say "no, thank you." (And - note to self - it's still better to say no politely than to say yes, whine and complain, and be miserably rude.)

So, Lent. I love the inherent challenge of Lent. It's multifaceted - the challenge to discern some solid "give ups" (by which I really mean the challenge to truly increase in prayer, sacrifice, and charity), the challenge to stick to them, and the challenge to take full value on them. I grew up wanting to give up things like smoking (not a smoker), lima beans (won't eat them anyway), basketball practice (lazy!), etc. When I got older, I wanted to give up things which would achieve an end - fast food (lose weight!), drinking (lose weight and save money!), shopping (save money!) - all of which were good things to give up, but they were lacking the right intent. This Lent, I want to truly strive to increase in prayer, to make real sacrifices, and to serve my proverbial neighbor in charity.

I want to make my dailies. I'm struggling with fully committing to daily Mass for Lent because 8am is my daily of choice, and I have to be at work at 8am. Daily Mass, this time 'round, won't be as easy as just rolling out of bed with plenty of time to Mass, breakfast, and go to work. It's going to require getting up really early... and finding another church to go to... and mostly just getting up really early... I know I should do it, especially because of the additional sacrifice in "inconvenience." I know I want to do it, because I love dailies and we are so blessed in this country to be able to receive in Mass as frequently as we are.

[Aside: I am worried (but also not really worried because "God is on the throne") about the priest shortage. Like with all of the ease and convenience in this country, I am convinced that the only way people will rediscover true value - of Eucharist, of consistent meals, of freedom of speech, of easy transportation, of shelter and heating and air conditioning, of fresh, hot, cold, or iced water, of education - is by not having. ...I refuse to be side-tracked by our secular nation right now. My worry about the priest shortage is that the way to fix it takes us through a greater shortage, with less frequent celebrations of the Mass, with the closing and combining of parishes, with larger crowds of uninterested/disaffected faithful, until - from the outside - the Church appears broken. At which time, a revival will come - I know - and it's already happening in so many ways and in so many places. I'm not really worried; I just have to walk through the process in my brain sometimes.]

Here are my options:

• the Mission - 7am or 5:30pm
• OLG - 5:30pm
• John of the Cross - 6:30am
• St. Therese - 6:20am
• B Sac - 6:15am

Morning at the Mission wouldn't be terrible... I could leave my house at 6:30, be out of Mass by 7:30, and be at work before 8. I do like the 5:30p options though...

I am also going to give up Starbucks. I'm going to keep track of the times when I want to get it (and what I want to get), add all of that theoretically spent money up, and give it to ... I don't know whom as of yet. Some charity or other. I spend a lot of money at Starbucks...

There was something else I can't remember. Oh yeah, the internet. I'm going cold turkey on internet (except for whatever is necessary for work). I've tried and failed with that one in the past; we're going for it again.

This post is long; I'm going to read a book.